Monday, July 16, 2007

Just Ten More Days...

It's been awhile since I took the time to truly reflect on where Troy and I are in this long, difficult journey of adoption. So, while I have some peace and quiet for at least a few minutes, I think I will. As I sit here typing, it is so hard to believe that we will leave for China in ten short days. I remember waiting for referrals to come in. Ten days then seemed like a lifetime to wait. Now, with it being so close to time to travel, ten days seems like hardly enough time to pack. How ironic life is! As we have been preparing over the last couple of weeks, I've often found myself wondering what life is like for Karsynn right now in China and praying that we can offer her a wonderful life here in the U.S. We've been anticipating her for so many months now, but the funny thing is she has NO idea that her life is about to change so dramatically. That makes me really sad. She isn't anticipating us. She's probably as content with her life as she can possibly be, because she knows nothing different. As joyful as we will be when they hand her to us for the first time, we have to remember that she will be traumatized for at least awhile. We will be taking her away from everything that she has known for that last 8 months of her life. Although we know we will be taking her away to a much better life, she will view it as the opposite. I know that this isn't anything that a lot of love and patience cannot fix, but it's still sad to think about. She will be experiencing people who look very different, sound different, smell different, act different, and people who want to love and kiss her all over and make everything all better. However, this will be hard for her to understand. I just hope that God blesses Troy and I, and especially our mothers (who are traveling with us), with the patience to understand what Karsynn will be going through. My heart will certainly break in two if she doesn't come to me and begin to bond quickly; however, I know that bonding is something that will have to be worked at. We don't have the luxury of having carried Karsynn for 9 months in the womb, but I have carried her for much longer in my heart, she just doesn't know that yet. I am consumed with love for this child. I have prayed for this child and God has answered my prayers. For so many months we wondered what she would look like and what her personality would be like. Now, in just a very few short days we'll finally know. All of our questions will be answered. I know that many of you have anticipated Karsynn for just as long and are VERY anxious to meet her. I do want to prepare you for how she might react at first and ask that you be patient with her and with us. As new parents, it will only be natural for us to want to calm her when she cries and hold her when she's scared. Please know that if we overreact or seem tense, it has nothing to do with you. In fact, adoption experts have said that it is best if she is securely bonded with us before she begins to interact with others. So, if we whisk her out of your arms when, and if, she begins to cry, then just try to understand. We've missed the first 8 months of Karsynn's life and that's time that we will never be able to get back. The time when natural bonding and attaching that takes place between a baby and its parents has been lost for us, so we'll have to work really hard to catch up. There will be other things that you can do for us during this crucial time, though. Here are some things that other adoptive parents have been offered by friends and family which really made their transition to a new life a whole lot easier:
  • Offer to run errands or run to the grocery
  • Come by with lunch or dinner
  • Offer to wash and dry a load of laundry
  • Take time to call before dropping by, as baby AND parents might be resting
  • Offer to take pictures or video of the new family while visiting
  • Come by to see the baby, but don't EXPECT to get to hold it immediately
  • Offer the new parents and baby plenty of alone time to bond

As a new mommy, it is so difficult to try and explain these things to friends and family. You feel almost like you're being selfish, but I promise you, I'm not. Troy and I have had 24 credit hours of parent education classes before this adoption could take place, and much of what we learned dealt with attachment and bonding. The window of opportunity for bonding for adoptive parents is so small, so every moment is precious. I hope you will understand. We love you all and can't wait to share Karsynn with you.

No comments: